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The Day After Our “Silent” Jamie Grace Interview

Have you ever wished that you could just take a day off of life and resume the next day?  That’s pretty much how I’m feeling after yesterday.  I woke up this morning with sinus congestion and pain and just started to weep.  Even as I write this I can barely see the screen because I’m crying.  I feel lousy.  I feel like a failure and a fool.  I feel like I want to quit and give up and just forget everything I’ve done over these past twelve years.

Will I give up?  No.  Will I get through these emotions and move forward?  Yes, of course.  But the reality is I am super disappointed and sad.  I’m sad because things didn’t go as I had hoped yesterday when we interviewed Jamie Grace and my worst fear played out in front of pretty much the whole world.  If I could have crawled under a rock and died, I would’ve.

The reason I am so upset about this isn’t because I don’t think Jamie will come back on our show, because from all appearances, I think she will.  The reason I’m so upset is because I wanted to do a full on run through beforehand and for various reasons, it didn’t happen.  My biggest concern was that there were going to be technical difficulties because we had never done what we were trying to attempt before.

My biggest concern was EXACTLY what happened yesterday and my husband knows this and again, because of numerous circumstances, the run through that needed to happened didn’t.  In the future, that will never happen again.  In the future if all parties involved aren’t available and things don’t get worked out, the interview won’t happen.   It’s that simple.  As a leader, it’s my responsibility to make sure preparation is done better and not in the way it played out yesterday.  I dropped the ball and that will not happen again.

The other thing that breaks my heart is not only having an A-List guest on the show, who graciously sent out our show on her social media.  But when the audience is telling you over and over and OVER again that they can’t hear anything, and all you’re doing is trying to get the sound up, it’s like having a ton of people yell at you, “Hey look you screw ups!  Can’t you do anything right? Where is the sound?  I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!!!!!  What are you a bunch of idiots!” And to have the sound not be on ANY platform was completely infuriating.  Why Blogtalkradio didn’t work either is beyond me, but seriously, talk about completely feeling like an incompetent fool.  We broadcast twice a day and when you have that A-list guest on, who  it took a YEAR to book, and nothing works…  Yeah.

This harkened back to a decade ago when I interviewed Amy Grant and literally hours before that interview my tape recorder broke.  So what did I do, I used a speakerphone and a microcassette player and  got the interview that way.  When I posted that interview I had a ton of people enjoy it from The Friends of Amy, but then I also had the critics email me and say, “I can’t believe you put out such a lousy recording of an interview with an A-List guest. Don’t you know that when you have someone of such stature you’re supposed to have your A-game on and make them look good!”

And then of course you’ve let your friend down by not putting in their correct Twitter account name and so they “throw you under the bus” under the guise of teasing you about it.  I realize that Vicki laughed it off, but the truth is that she wasn’t happy about me messing up her Twitter name and so of course, that just added to feeling like a complete failure.

It’s days like yesterday that make me want to go and work at Wal-Mart and never appear anywhere or do anything ever again for God. #TrueStory

And even though I was able to salvage the audio and video of the interview, it doesn’t matter to me.  I feel like all I wanted to do was be a blessing to everyone, and instead, it was just a series of errors that makes me feel like an incompetent person and ministry.

I was in bed crying this morning and thinking about my Dad and of course the Lord and just thinking, that He is the only One who really gets it.  I know my husband does too because he ultimately feels like it’s all his fault.

And ya know, the truth is that Randall and I try really hard to offer up our best.  We pour so much time and effort into the things we do for others and rarely do we ask for anything back.  If people could see all that Randall does and how much of his big heart tries to serve others and if people cared enough to see me and how hard I try to serve others and be a blessing, maybe people would get it.  I don’t think anyone will ever know how much we do and invest without receiving any type of anything for it, and ultimately it doesn’t really matter all that much anyway.

What matters to me is trying to be a blessing to others.  In this case, I just wanted to bless Vicki by giving her the opportunity to interview someone she admires.  My hope is that this interview would’ve been seen and heard and that Vicki would’ve been blessed all the more.  Instead, I screwed it up.  Technology broke and I feel like I never want to book another interview again with anyone.

Is that all or nothing thinking?  Yup.  It is.  And I have a right to  my feelings, because my feelings matter.  Did Vicki get to talk to Jamie and have a good conversation?  Yes, and for that I’m grateful.  However, it doesn’t change the presentation and failure that our show was yesterday.

And ultimately it doesn’t change God’s love for me.  Right now I don’t feel very loved by anyone else and so if this experience shows me anything, it’s just that God loves me no matter what, and He isn’t going to throw me under the bus because I made a few mistakes and He above all else knows the extent of my love and motives and behavior and purpose in all that I do.

In the end it isn’t about me anyway, it’s about Him.  How He plans on using this for His glory, I have no clue.  I don’t see how any of it is usable, but then again, He’s God and I’m not.  I have to deal with my own depression and sadness and disappointment and run to Him for my comfort because one thing I know, other humans are incapable of giving me what I need.

 

 

 

Jesus is Not the Dessert, He is the Meal

Today I just want to throw out a thought for you to consider.  Often when we think about Jesus, we not only make Him the last thought, but we negate truly WHO, He is.

Consider this, Jesus is the BREAD of Life.  He isn’t the dessert of life.  He is the BREAD.

Bread, in biblical times, was a huge part of the main meal that people ate.  In fact, it’s interesting because I don’t think I’ve ever read anywhere in the Bible about any specific dessert.  I have read about meals with meat and I have read about water and I have read about BREAD.

Jesus is the BREAD.  He is the main main meal.  Jesus is not the dessert.  Christ is not the empty calories.  Yeshua is what fills you up.

He is what sustains you.  He is LIFE.

The Lord of all creation, Jesus is Lord.

Consider What God Has Provided for You Your Whole Life

   Today I want to share a simple thought.  My husband and I were discussing how much people eat in their lifetime and when we did a quick search online we found that it was amazing!

This article over on the Weird News of page of The Express, a paper from the UK reveals a few startling facts:

3 – The number of times around the world a person will walk in the average lifetime.

10 – The number of days a person can go without sleep before dying. A person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation.

121 – The number of litres of tears an individual sheds in a lifetime.

450 – The number of hairs in an average eyebrow.

590  -The length of hair in miles that the average person will grow during their life.

9,000 Of the 10,000 taste buds in the average human mouth, 9,000 are on the tongue (the other thousand are on the palate or in the cheeks).

35 – During a lifetime the average person eats 35 tons of food.

Now consider the Lord and how good He is to provide all of the above for us.  Just the 35 tons of food that the average person eats in their lifetime is worthy of giving God an amazing shout of praise for all He has done.

I realized that it’s easy for me to take for granted the things I don’t have to worry too much about.  Even when I was single and barely making ends meet, and had to go to the church for a handout and get free groceries, the Lord provided for me and I never starved.

It’s all a matter of perspective.

What do you think?

My Morning Routine…It’s Totally Exciting!

One thing I learned last year was that in order to accomplish goals, I need to have a routine in place. This got me thinking about my morning routine and so I thought I would share with you what happens most of the time in my morning.

Every morning I start my day by first serving my dogs and cat their breakfast. (While heating up my water to make my decaf instant Folgers coffee) Forget Randall, he can make his own! LOL…

All three of my animals have different needs and choices. First, Tug, my old retired show dog I just got a few years ago,  is pretty demanding and food is his love language. He will slurp and smack and lick a plate until he could get through it if possible. Grover, my other dog, who is the love my life,  is actually relatively timid when it comes to eating, so I’ve had to set up a safe area for him to eat so that the cat and Tug won’t get his food. And then there’s Gideon, the cat, who is well… a cat. He screams until he’s served his food, so he is served first. #truestory

After I serve the animals, I hit my stack of books that I read and get my coffee in hand.  My focus this year is on evangelism and so I am currently reading a Christian classic book by Rebecca Manley Pippert called Out of the Saltshaker & Into the World: Evangelism as a Way of Life. EXCELLENT book!

I also have a few other books that help me focus on leadership and communication as well as personal mindset. I currently lead a book club on Thursday night and the book I’m using for that is The Book of Mysteries by Jonathan Cahn.  You can sign up to be apart of my book club by visiting my Bible News Radio page here.

The most important book I read every day is the bible. My friend, Vicki Fitch, blessed me with a new bible at Christmas, so I’m diving into that bible this year and currently in my private time I’m studying the book of Colossians.

After I finish my time reading, then I make my breakfast, which usually consists of either 2 or 3 eggs depending on whether or not I am playing pickleball after I eat.

In case you have no clue, I am a pickleball fanatic and play 4 times a week. I actually missed yesterday because I fell pretty hard on Saturday and bruised up my left knee pretty good. I am playing tomorrow though. :)

So, that is my morning. Between all the reading, I also send a select few social media messages, update my own social media and get ideas ready for my show at 2 PM Central time.

What do you do every morning? Do you have a routine? Why or why not? I’d love to hear from you!

The Truth About Trusting God

Last night my husband Randall did our evening Periscope broadcast and talked about John the Baptist and the call he had on his life, which was to call people to REPENT.

As I was watching my man do the thing he does best, I started to feel convicted of the fact that when I struggle with being in debt and worry about it, then I’m actually sinning. #TrueStory.

That got me thinking about the truth about trusting God and let me just say it, NO ONE I KNOW PERSONALLY ACTUALLY REALLY TRUSTS GOD. If for some reason you’re reading that and you’re saying in your head, “But I do, Stacy, you’re completely wrong!” then let me take away your current source of income and challenge you to do a daily Periscope broadcast and wait for people to donate enough money for you to pay all of your bills. Because if you REALLY trusted God, then the area where you can show your trust really easy is by believing God will provide for you the people who are going to donate money to you AND meet all of your living expenses.

Like I said, no one I personally know actually really trusts God.
We can all pay lip-service and say we do, but the truth is that when the rubber hits the road and we are put in a position where we literally “have no choice” but to actually trust God, then all we do is actually complain about having to trust God! #TrueStory

So, why am I sharing this? I’m sharing it because the struggle is real. And it’s okay to have the struggle as long as we all realize that God wants to change our attitudes about whether or not we trust Him.

You and I both have a choice in how we react to our circumstances. We can spend our time griping and complaining about what we don’t have or we can change our attitudes and begin to be obedient to the One we claim we love so much.

This is why last night when Randall was teaching about John the Baptist and reminded me that even the first word of Jesus was REPENT, that I felt convicted. I felt convicted because I know my attitude isn’t what God wants it to be and I also felt convicted because the bible says that you can’t serve both God and money and my focus has been on money and not God.

TIME TO FOCUS BACK ON THE CHARACTER OF GOD

The way to please the Lord is by doing what He tells us to do. If, I as His disciple, were to actually obey the first commandment, which is “You shall have no other gods before me” Exodus 20:3. Then guess what, I wouldn’t have time to be focusing on the god I’ve made of money.

If I were to actually obey the instruction God gave me in Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. Again, I would have no time to be in a mode where I am complaining.

If I were to focus on the character of Christ and God and know that what He says is truth and that He will never leave me or forsake me and that He will provide for all of my needs. I would never have a bad day again because I would be filled with praise overflowing from my belly for how GOOD HE IS!

I FEEL BETTER ALREADY!

I hope you’re encouraged too. Sometimes it takes a gentle rod of correction to set our minds where they need to be. It’s not easy being a Christian. It’s not easy for flawed and fleshly humans to obey or trust God completely, especially where money is concerned, but we must. God is good and things are never as bad as we make them to be and there is always something to be grateful for.

Tell me what you think in the comments. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

The Waiting

Here it is a brand new year and as is the custom of many we like to reflect on the past year and then focus on the goals we have for the new year.

I’m not going to do that in this post. Instead what I want to share is last year I laid aside one of my first loves in life…that is writing. So this year, 2017, I will be hitting this blog hard and sharing with you my heart on all things pertinent. Maybe you’ll hear about my inner struggles, my family, dealing with a father with dementia and Parkinson’s or maybe I’ll share with you my worries about money, what it’s like to serve God and feel like all the investment in time and energy isn’t always worth it.

I’m not sure. But I will tell you this, as you read this blog you will know that what I share is real and honest. I am so beyond trying to pretend like everything in the world is always 100% right and honestly it does no one any good to pretend that anyway. Our world is filled with fake appearances in social media and the most lonely people on the planet. No one has the perfect life and people just need to stop pretending. It does no one any good.

One thing I will be sharing for sure is things that bring me joy and some insights I am having from the Word of God.

The last few days I’ve been feeling depressed about a few things. The main thing I have been struggling with is being so far in debt. Never in my whole marriage have my husband and I been in so much debt. The thing about being in debt though, that drives me crazy, is that it isn’t because we’re irresponsible or lazy. It’s simply some medical bills, some vet bills and the lovely taxes you get from being an entrepreneur. I was especially feeling depressed because the figures from my “day job” as the owner and host of Bible News Radio, are so dismal that when I told a few of my friends they literally GASPED out loud at how LITTLE it was. Then I laughed when they did that because I said, “Yeah…if people only knew.” In case you’re wondering I will tell you I made less than $6500 last year. #truestory The year before that, 2015, it was about $1800 – so I am grateful I made a few thousand more, but the truth is I worked extra long hours ON TOP of the hundreds of hours a month I do Bible News Radio to earn that extra money.

One of the worst things about being in “ministry” is that with all the liars, cheaters, false prophets, prosperity teachers and slimeballs out there ripping people off, when someone like me asks for money, it makes ME feel slimy. It’s rather ironic. Some people use God to make millions and some of us work for God and realize that our reward is in heaven.

And don’t get me wrong, I am not truly motivated by making a ton of money. But it does bother me to be in debt not because of anything irresponsible I’ve done. I know people who charge up their credit cards just because they want something. I’m not that way. I hate shopping in the first place, so that will never happen.

But I hate being in debt and not making the money we need mainly because it limits my ability to give to others the way I want. I gave one person a Christmas gift this past year (2016) and that was actually because I bartered with the person I got the gift from. For the last two years my husband and I haven’t exchanged gifts and that was hard for us because when you are the only person that technically you’d like to gift something to and you know the needs of the other person, well…that’s hard.

Then I have the critics in my head saying, “Maybe you should just quit Bible News Radio and get a real job”. Go work at Wal-Mart. Forget about the “ministry” after all if God isn’t blessing you financially in it, then maybe it’s not His will for you to do.

Of course the same people who have told me these things are the same people who told me to read a specific Psalm so I could get pregnant. Note to reader: I’m a barren woman and will NEVER be able to get pregnant. I no longer have a uterus. Just so ya know.

In the end, however, I know that if I were to quit Bible News Radio, that I would definitely be outside of God’s will for my life. The truth is, this is the only thing He has grown since I got out of college. In fact, it’s His idea, not mine, so can’t not do it. So what needed to change for me was my attitude about the things that I don’t have to a focus on the things that I do have.

For example, I actually made more money than I did in the previous year and that was after investing almost $4000 in business coaching. So if I were to subtract that investment from my actual income this year then I actually made about $200 more this past year than I did in 2015. That’s growth baby!

The other thing God showed me is that I am in a WAITING period. I heard Jamie Grace’s song called The Waiting a few days ago and I just broke down and wept because it was after I had prayed about the aforementioned things and it was God answering my prayer and telling me. It’s okay. You’re waiting.

Here’s the song.

And that is where I will end this for now. Be encouraged in the real tough things of life. Don’t deny your pain or struggle. Be honest and then walk with God through it. I will be sharing more later about how my perspective about these things has shifted so that it may encourage you if you are also waiting.

I’d love to hear your comments, feel free and share with me.

When Someone Close Hurts You

Have you ever been in a relationship where you thought everything was okay and then what seemed like it was out of the blue that relationship ended? I’ve been there a few times and I can tell you that in all cases, without exception, my heart was broken.

To this day I cannot understand how people can leave another person without even attempting to talk through the things that bother them. Maybe it’s fear, maybe it’s that they don’t know how or maybe it’s honestly that they never really cared all that much. Whatever the reason, the lasting impact it has on you is important.

For me, I’ve found that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more select with who I let really close to my heart. It took me a long time to figure out that not everyone is trustworthy or deserving of those inner parts of my heart and yet, I have to say that I’ve still been hurt there too.

Not too long ago I shared my heart with someone and they broke it. Instead of hearing what I was saying and instead of just trying to understand, instead they smacked me down. I remember leaving the conversation and feeling so sad because I wasn’t really heard and on top of it I made the person angry. I could see it in their eyes.

So, I tried to seek to understand why they were angry with what I shared and they admitted that they just took out their frustrations on me, instead of dealing with them in a better way. I understood and forgave them, but I still felt hurt and I still felt really cautious about sharing anything with them again.

Then a few months later I got brave and decided that I wanted to share my heart with them again, except this time, I didn’t expect anything from them. What I got back instead was condemnation. Instead of hearing what I said, they condemned me, they twisted some things I said and they broke my heart.

Now some people may think I am crazy or unwise for continuing to share my heart with someone who didn’t respect it, and I agree. However, as I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that sometimes we need to extend a lot more grace to people so that they can learn what grace and real love is. So, despite my fears that I would be hurt again, I extended grace and love to them, because I know that they never received that from people in their lives.

Then one day, something amazing happened. That person who was so quick to judge me and hurt me, came to me and thanked me for hanging in there with them. They shared with me that they didn’t know how to let people close and so such shared intimacy was new and scary for them. They cried and opened up their heart and apologized for what they had done.

I was grateful. I was grateful because I didn’t give up on them, when I really wanted to. I didn’t kick them to the curb because they made a mistake. I didn’t not trust them with important things or things that mattered because I knew God had a plan.

I am so grateful for the few people in my life that have never given up on me. I’m grateful for the few who tell me the truth when it hurts me to my core and I’m grateful that I’ve never stopped loving people with my whole heart.

I recently was considering the nature of a flower and how as the sun shines on it, the petals open up wide and everything inside is visible. When I give my heart to someone, I am open. I am transparent and I am able to be hurt and crushed.

But just like the flower opens when the sun shines on it, at night, many flowers also close up when it gets dark. I realized that I do that with my heart sometimes. When I get hurt, my heart naturally closes because I don’t want it to be hurt anymore. It’s dark inside of me, I feel unsafe and I hide because I don’t want to be hurt again. Which is all fine and good, unless you stay there.

I don’t believe you can ever grow in your relationships or your heart, unless you continue to open yourself up. It’s appropriate to close for a time, but the sun will shine again and then you can be open for the world to see your beauty.

So, if someone close to you has hurt you and broken your heart. Don’t give up on them. Show them some real grace and some real love. I guarantee you that your relationship will be stronger, ultimately more healthy and it will have a depth that you want. If you give up on people, you may miss the biggest blessings of your life, because that person you may give up on, could be just a few short things away from being the most blessed treasure you’ll ever have in life.

People are not garbage, so don’t throw away your relationships. Throw away the trash that belongs in the garbage and have some faith. The sun will shine again.

If you’re struggling in your relationships, I’d love to help. Sign up for my free 20 minute coaching call and let’s talk.

Please Tell Me You Love Me

Have you ever gone through a day and wondered if anyone truly loves you for just being you? I’m thinking that if you haven’t, then you may be an enigma, because most people I know have wondered this.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about this and maybe it’s Mother’s Day coming around in a few days, but for me, this has been a nagging thing on my heart. Notice I didn’t say mind, I said heart.

The heart is that part of you that you deeply feel and it’s that part of you that ponders, thinks, ruminates, contemplates and believes. Sometimes the heart feels comfort, but not all of the time. Lately, for me, it’s been in a state of wonder. Not wonder, as in amazement, but wonder in the sense of wondering if what I know to be true is something that actually is.

Opening up your heart to trust is a very hard thing if it’s been smashed into a million pieces before. I remember, not too long ago, I was sharing a very personal part of my heart with someone and I could tell that they didn’t really value what I was sharing, because it wasn’t about them. So, I began to really pay attention to the dynamic in the relationship and I discovered that this person claimed they loved me, but they rarely, if ever, actually asked about me or wanted to spend time with me unless it was on their terms.

I didn’t feel very loved by them at all, and the truth is, all I wanted was to actually be loved by them. Here’s what got me. In the beginning of our relationship, all that person did was tell me that they loved me. Then one day, it stopped. All of a sudden, for some unknown reason to me, they stopped telling me that they loved me. Then, I found myself wondering what I did to make that happen.

In fact, it’s almost paralyzed me for a few days because for the life of me, I can’t figure it out. I woke up this morning wondering if they will ever tell me that they love me again.

The crazy thing is that logically I know that they don’t actually love “ME”. They love what I do for them. They love what they can get from me, and as I stated earlier, unless it’s about them, nothing is ever done.

So, what do you do when you’re in that situation. Because I know that if you’re reading this, most likely, you’re resonating with what I’m saying here.

Let me say this. If I wanted to be psychologically technical, what I’m describing is called emotional codependency. This is simply the act of depending on someone else for your worth and praise. In other words, if you’re dealing with this, what it means is that you need to break away from that relationship and learn to stand on your own two feet. That’s tough.

It’s tough because you have to get to the point where you admit that what you’re looking for from them, will never happen and it’s your fantasy. Fantasy thinking will get you nowhere. Trust me on this.

So, let me encourage you by redirecting you to the Lord. And please understand that I am talking to myself here, just as much as you. There is no one on earth who will ever truly love you the way you WANT to be. However, there is a God in heaven who DOES LOVE YOU, as you NEED to be. That is something you can take to the bank.

The bible has the answers to love and life. The most famous bible passage is John 3:16 which says, “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life”. This is real love.

Real love is only found in the person of Christ Jesus. He is the only One who will give your heart the love you desire. Trust me on this, and hear me, because I’m telling you the truth.

So many of us are so quick to dismiss what I just wrote because it’s not convenient. It’s not what we want. We think it’s not how it’s supposed to be. We want it our way. But here’s the reality, you can NOT have it your way. Your way doesn’t work and it will never work, so give it up.

Give up your fantasy that love looks like what you want. Give it up. Let go of those limiting beliefs that kill your relationships and learn to accept that you are already loved and you’re being told constantly by the One you’re avoiding or not wanting to fully engage with.

Please tell me you love me. God has. He sent Christ to open his arms wide on a cross and He shed his blood and died for your sin. Then He rose from the dead a few days later and came back to welcome you into His kingdom.

All you have to do is believe it. Receive it. Accept it.

Do that and it will change your life, your perspective and it will give you hope unending. And keep this in mind, if your friends or family or relationships in general, are not loving you the way you want, realize that they aren’t feeling loved the way they want either. People can’t give you what they don’t possess themselves.

The Lord Jesus Christ, on the other hand, can give you all the love you desire, and that is the truth.

If this is something that you’re struggling with, sign up for my free 20 minute consultation. Let’s work through this together, because you’re not alone. Make the choice to move forward.